Mission-Critical Leaders all have a high degree of leadership emotional intelligence. You can’t be a great leader without it. In this episode of the Mission-Critical Leadership Podcast, we talk about ways you can become aware of, enhance, and grow your leadership emotional intelligence.
Episode 9
Years ago, I worked with a leader who had two emotional states: disinterest and anger. He was difficult to work with, extremely negative, and frequently became hostile. When it came time for performance reviews, he could never understand why he wasn’t promoted.
Dr. Justin Hiebert works with mission-critical leaders to accomplish the unimaginable. Realizing that no leader has ever needed more things to do, he works with his clients to get the right things done. His clients rise above burnout, captivate their teams, and transform their communities. By engaging their hearts and minds, his clients unlock their full potential to be, do, and have it all. This affords them the ability to leave a legacy of influence and impact on the world. He is a husband, father, teacher, learner, and champion of joy. He resides in Bakersfield with his wife, four kids, two cats, and one dog. In his free time, he loves exercising, riding motorcycles, and doing anything outdoors.
Welcome to the Mission-Critical Leadership Podcast! In this episode, we’re talking about three leadership lessons from the Civil War you need to learn on your journey as a mission-critical leader.
We’re all on a journey. We all face hardships. We all have shortcomings and difficulties. That’s a given. What’s not a given, is our response. We can choose to rise to those moments, see an opportunity instead of an obstacle, and choose to rise above.
OR
We can shrink back, live in fear, and play small.
The American Civil War gave us insights into both. While there are thousands of lessons we could cover, today, we’re going to cover three.
Dr. Justin Hiebert works with mission-critical leaders to accomplish the unimaginable. Realizing that no leader has ever needed more things to do, he works with his clients to get the right things done. His clients rise above burnout, captivate their teams, and transform their communities. By engaging their hearts and minds, his clients unlock their full potential to be, do, and have it all. This affords them the ability to leave a legacy of influence and impact on the world. He is a husband, father, teacher, learner, and champion of joy. He resides in Bakersfield with his wife, four kids, two cats, and one dog. In his free time, he loves exercising, riding motorcycles, and doing anything outdoors.
To truly transform your life, you must be willing to turn up the temperature on your relationships.
Cold-Blooded Animals
My wife teaches third grade and recently finished up a unit on cold-blooded animals. Throughout the unit, she reinforced the idea to the children that cold-blooded animals regulate their body temperature through external circumstances.
If the outside is cold, they are cold, and they have to find a way to warm up.
If the outside is warm, these animals are warm, and they need to go somewhere to cool off.
Humans, scientifically, are warm-blooded animals. We have an internal regulator device that helps keep us warm.
Unfortunately, when it comes to other areas of life, like relationships, humans tend to act cold-blooded.
Understanding External Circumstances
We, humans, are a funny bunch. We have this incredible ability to make up conflict and fear in our heads from perceived threats.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever lost sleep at night wondering what your coworker, friend, child, or significant thought of you.
*I’ll raise mine first.*
It’s a natural tendency. Our brains, uncontrolled, make up things for us to be afraid of. I’ve lost track of how many times I, or one of my clients, have feared a conversation they were going to have with another individual.
Inside of our own head, it usually goes something like this:
Oh now. I need to tell Samantha what happened last Friday at the meeting. I’ll be she’ll be upset. When she’s upset I’ll have to reassure her. I’ll start by letting her know I’ve already resubmitted the proposal. When she gets angry that I did that, I’ll tell her I was forced to. If she becomes irate, I’ll calm her down by …
The power of our brain can easily transform any situation into a quickly escalating argument of emotion.
We think fearfully. Because of this, we enter the situation fearfully. Finally, we unknowingly project that fearfulness on the other person. They sense that and respond out of fear. The cycle escalates. We think we proved our own instincts right.
The problem is that this really isn’t the case. This, from the example above, is a cold-blooded response. We feel as though we are victims of the circumstances around us. Unable to control the outcome, we give up the power to someone or something else to avoid personal responsibility.
The Warm-Blooded Response
There is another choice. It’s what I call the warm-blooded response. It is the internal regulation of circumstances and control.
Think of the thermostat in your living room. If a window is open to blow in a breeze and it gets too cool, the thermostat, ever in control, turns on the heater to warm the room up.
If warm air accumulates inside the room, the thermostat is still in control and turns on the air conditioning.
Either way, the thermostat controls the outside environment instead of letting the environment control it.
We have the same power in our relationships.
Recently, I was working with a client who offers a public service. He has both his own service route and a warranty side to his company where he operates as an independent contractor for a large manufacturer.
It was time for his yearly review with the customer service director for the large manufacturer, a meeting that my client always hates. In the past, the meeting has not gone well, and the relationship with the manufacturing company is fractured.
Before his meeting, he called me to review some of the information he was going to present. Most of our time, however, was spent on his mindset. If he went into the phone call expecting negativity, he was sure to find it.
If however, he went in under the assumption that they wanted him to win, grow his business, and bless him, he’d find that as well. He committed himself to look positively at the situation and providing honesty and insight into the manufacturer’s warranty replacement policy that he worked under.
Right after the meeting, he called and said that it went extremely well. The representative heard him throughout the conversation, and he got amazing reviews from the company. They made some suggestions for improvements, and he now has a better relationship with this manufacturing company than he has had in years.
All because of his outlook.
Relational Health For Leadership Health
As we continue our look at seven areas of health that are vital to avoiding burnout, we must look at relationships. Our closest relationships can be both the source of burnout if done poorly and the greatest contributing factor to health if done properly.
So how do we set a healthy relational course? In two key ways.
1.) Commit to being a thermostat.
The first step is to be the thermostat in your relationships. Realize that you are in complete and total control of how strong your relationships are. You control how often you take your spouse on a date, call up an old friend, hit the golf course with a coworker, and how large your network is.
If you want something, be in control of your own actions enough to get it. Regulate the temperature. If you want a better marriage, raise your own temperature of commitment, and build one.
2.) Be in a room set warmer than your own.
The second step is to realize that you don’t have to do it alone and get help. If your marriage is struggling and you want a better one, don’t go get advice from your uncle that has been divorced three times.
Build a friendship with someone who has been married for 50 years!
If you want your business to grow, create friendships with successful business owners.
To get out of debt listen to someone without any, instead of your friend sleeping on your couch.
Each of these is an intentional act to “raise the temperature” of the room you find yourself in. You’ll slowly start to acclimate to your new environment and rise to the occasion.
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Relational health is vital to leadership health Examining your key relationships and keeping them strong, vibrant, and life-giving is the only way to remain healthy and avoid burnout.
I was reminded recently, how in any attempted area of growth, confidence is key.
First, a confession. I’m a huge Gordon Ramsey fan. His ability to instruct, teach, inspire, lead is inspiring. I’ve also laughed at more than a few of his insults. He also knows when to relax, laugh, and have a good time.
Recently, I was watching an episode of his popular show Hell’s Kitchen and set one chef home after a critical failure.
Her crime? She lost confidence in her own ability.
As the episode ends, you hear Gordon’s voice as the picture shows her leaving the competition.
“If she’s lost confidence in herself, I can’t have confidence in her as my next executive chef.”
It is a dear reminder that in any area of life and growth, confidence is key.
Displaying Confidence
Let me be clear: confidence is not brashness, arrogance, smugness, or cockiness.
Confidence is not abusive or manipulative.
No, confidence is assurance.
It’s an assurance in the mission and service you’re providing to the world.
Confident people are able to say, “I’ve made it through every previous trial, I can make it through this one as well.”
Confidence is not about putting others down, it’s a clear picture of who you are.
Confident people have an accurate self-perception. They know who they are, why they were created, and the mission they are to be about while on this earth.
Confidence is key.
I often tell people at the start of a coaching relationship, “I can do anything for you except make you want to change. You have to want to change and be willing to put in the work required to do so. Once you acknowledge and commit to that, I’ll give you every tool I have to help you succeed.”
Why do some people make that commitment (and experience the reward) and others don’t?
Confidence.
Confidence is key.
The Confidence Quickstart
Life can be hard. As a result, there may be moments where you find yourself doubting. Wondering. Fearful.
Those moments are not a reason to withdraw or shrink back. Instead, they are moments to rise to the occasion, challenge yourself, accomplish something great, and demonstrate your ability.
If you ever find yourself in need of a confidence boost, here are three proven methods to help you get back on track.
Gratitude Journal.
First, start by keeping a gratitude journal. Write down as many things as you can to be thankful for.
A number of years ago, I challenged myself to write down 1,000 things I was grateful for. Once I got past the big and obvious ones (spouse, kids, parents, a house, a job) I really had to begin to focus my attention on every moment of every day.
Could I find moments of joy or positive experiences, even in the midst of difficult circumstances?
Of course, I just had to give it intentional thought.
Eventually, I had an impressive list (even if I never did make my 1,000 goal) and it completely reframed the way I go throughout my day.
Want to feel more confident? Start by acknowledging and welcoming all the good you already have in your life.
A list of previous accomplishments.
Next, keep a list of all of the previous things you accomplished.
Again, you’ll start with the big obvious ones (that’s great!).
The raise you earned.
That karate trophy from the third grade.
Voted most photogenic in high school.
Eventually, you’ll move on to the harder, but not less significant experiences.
The first successful sales call.
That time you worked up the nerve to ask that special someone.
Conquering the fear of public speaking.
Pretty soon, you’ll have an impressive list not only of everything you have to be thankful for, but all the previous times you’ve thought something was impossible, and yet you did it anyway.
Positive Affirmations
Finally, look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself some encouragement.
Far too often, we do just the opposite.
We mess up or make a mistake and say something like, “Of course I did that. I’m a klutz.”
Or, “What an idiot.”
Instead of that how about we say, “Boy, had I given it two more seconds of thought maybe I wouldn’t have made that same choice, but I’m glad I had this learning experience.”
Then, encourage yourself:
Look at this list of everything you have to be thankful for and all you’ve accomplished.
You’re very talented!
I can’t believe all that you’ve overcome.
You are very resilient.
You’ve got this!
As you stare at yourself, providing those affirmations, you’ll notice a shift in your thinking, your emotions, and your behavior.
You’ll notice that confidence returning. Building. Sustaining you throughout the day.
Once you’ve acknowledged all you have to be grateful for, written down your accomplishments, and affirmed your intellect and skills, only one thing is left.
Go out and do great things.
You’re more than capable.
I’m sure of it.
I’m confident of it.
And confidence is key.
Want to exponentially grow your leadership skills? Here are two great options:
One of the hardest parts of entrepreneurship is creating a viable product. It should be simple right? You have a great idea, convinced that it will change the world, so what could go wrong?
The reality is that a lot could. Great products, one that people don’t just purchase, but actually use and eventually rave about, all have one thing in common: they solve problems.
One of the most common things I tell my clients, and any would-be entrepreneur, is that if people aren’t buying your product, you aren’t solving a problem. This is true whether you have a tangible product like a phone case or a conceptual one like coaching. Whether I physically give you the product or I am the product, a viable product will always solve a problem.
Creating A Viable Product
I’ve found that the easiest way for me to understand product is to get back to its original meaning. A product is a predictable unit of value.*
Great products, as I’ve already said, solve problems.
Marcus Whitney says that they provide a predictable unit of value.
We see this in everyday scenarios. I need the internet to publish this post. Currently, ATT has solved that problem with reliable internet in my home office. I know exactly what I will pay for this service every month.
If, however, that internet starts to fail and I only get internet for fifteen days of the month, or ten days out of the month, I don’t get that predictable unit of value. Now all of a sudden, I’m looking at other competitors to see if they can solve my problem – internet – at a predictable (and reliable) price.
This works with service-based products as well. I could tell you how the average coaching client saves time and money while improving performance. People engaged in coaching relationships also show higher levels of emotional intelligence, grit, and overall life satisfaction. They also tend to make more money – for their companies and for themselves.
So if I could, through data and research, show you how paying $10,000 for coaching could, on average, make you $100,000 … would you sign up for coaching?
I’m no manufacturing genius, but I do understand human performance. There are some certain elements we have to have in order to nail our own growth, our own optimization, our own viable personal product.
Here are three ways to improve your own performance in your quest for growth.
1.) Tie Your Problem (And The Solution) to the Desired Effect or Feeling.
Recently, I was having a conversation with one of our children about exercise. We talked about why it’s important to do, even when we don’t feel like it. We get emotional, physical, and mental advantages. It gives us energy, improves overall performance, and is a key aid in living longer.
I shared how one of the struggles I’ve had recently is the desire to workout. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I wanted to workout. In spite of that, I’m outside six days a week doing it anyway.
The shift was tying it to the desired outcome. I wanted to have the energy to play with my kids, build science projects, complete a full day of work, and a whole variety of other things. It’s those goals that keep me going.
Similarly, there will be an aspect of your own growth where you need to do it, even if you don’t want to. Maybe you hate networking events. Find a way to tie the task you don’t want to do (networking) with something you do (a date night, new video game, or your favorite caffeinated drink).
2.) Give Yourself Some Accountability.
I recently printed and published my 2021 goals for my vision board. As I’m slowly assembling them into the final product, it’s become a visible event to everyone in the house. They know exactly what I’m committing myself to.
They have permission to ask me how I’m doing at any time.
Additionally, I have a few people who know my goals and regularly check in.
It’s a key component to continued growth: the pressure of other people watching.
Whether you’re trying to start a product-based business or a service-based business, have some accountability. Share your goal with others and have them check-in to make sure you’re putting in the work.
3.) Don’t Be Afraid To Fail.
Most products don’t get it right the first time. Even those that we would consider a success (like the iPod) continually strive to get better.
Many of those will fail along the way. Failure is often a key component of learning.
In your own growth, personally or professionally, don’t be afraid to fail. That’s how you get better, gain clarity, remain focused, and achieve excellence.
Eight Core Concepts
This list is updated as the blog series continues. Click on any live link to go to that post in the series.
* Whitney, Marcus. Create and Orchestrate: The Path to Claiming Your Creative Power from an Unlikely Entrepreneur (pp. 83-84). Creative Power. Kindle Edition.
