In coaching, I’m willing to do anything I can to help you reach your goals. The one thing I can’t do, however, is make you want to change. That’s why I ask all potential clients, Do you want to change?
The Origin of the Question
While walking the earth, Jesus performed lots of miracles, engaged in teaching the masses, and healed people. In one such instance, he asked the man, Do you want to get well?
It seems rather odd, that question.
Who wouldn’t want to get well?
Well, it turns out, quite a few of.
In fact, quite a few of us like being sick in one way or another.
We feel comfortable where we are stuck. In the small beliefs we hold. We see it in the minor discomforts of life, that one way or another, we are all stuck and most of us like being there.
It’s safe.
Comfortable.
It’s also killing us slowly.
Jesus asking, do you want to get better expresses the true desires of our hearts.
Do you want to let that burden go?
Are you willing release your doubt and fear?
Do you want to experience something different?
Because if you do, he offers to help. But if you like where you’re at, he’s also willing to leave you there.
In coaching, I’ve seen the same thing happen.
Do You Want To Change?
Whenever I meet with a potential client, we spend a little bit of time getting to know each other. I need them to trust me and give them space in our first session to ask anything they want about me. I’ll disclose (within reason) whatever the need to feel comfortable.
It’s also a time for me to see where they are at. It’s a chance to make sure they are willing to engage in the process with both their head and their heart.
And one question I ask everyone is, “Do you Want To Change?”
I can do a lot for you: provide excellent coaching, recommend books and other resources, give you extra time, and other tools at my disposal.
The one thing I can’t do for you is make you want to change.
That’s the one thing you have to bring to the relationships: you have to want to change. To get better. To experience life anew.
If you’re unwilling to do that, there’s really not a lot I can do.
Years ago, I read Eugene’ Peterson’s A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. To be honest, I don’t remember much of the book, but the title has long stuck with me.
It’s become a continual mantra for the daily habits, beliefs, thought patterns, and actions that I use to guide my life.
A Long Obedience in the Same Direction
It’s fairly typical for me to have a panic attack on Monday morning. I suffer from anxiety; from the fear of what could be.
At times, it’s overwhelming.
Debilitating.
Paralyzing.
In those moments of lost despair, I’ve trained myself to recall the phrase and title of the book, a long obedience in the same direction.
The fear comes from my desire to do it all.
To break free of that fear, I have to remind myself that I don’t have to do it all right now.
My destination is not complete today, instead, I am on the journey.
So what would obedience look like today?
That’s a much simpler proposition:
Network
Respond to emails
Call clients
Spend time with my family
Eat well
Exercise
Encourage someone
Get to bed on time
Repeat
While the specific formula to each day may look different, I guide my life by answering the question: what do I need to do today that could get me one step closer to my goal?
Once I have that figured out, I create the plan for obedience.
One of the most popular questions I get is, “What do I do when I’m feeling stuck?”
It’s a question based on motivation. The question really being asked is, “How do I overcome my lack of motivation?”
I get it.
I struggle with motivation too.
Honestly, if I worked out when I was motivated, I’d work out maybe twice a week. More than likely, once. (Or none at all!)
Motivation, outside of the beginning thrust on a new and exciting project, is largely useless in personal development.
Instead, we need to rely on discipline. Building a life of discipline is simple (not necessarily easy), but it is rewarding.
Here are three ways to build a life of discipline:
1.) Create clear and compelling goals
As I’ve written about before, clear and compelling goals are the greatest asset you have to overcome the lack of motivation.
Good goals are SMARTER
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Timely
Energizing
Rewarding
A lack of motivation could mean that our goals aren’t clear enough. A bigger problem is that we don’t reward ourselves for a job well done. As Shawn Achor highlights in his TEDTalk (and amazing book), by failing to reward ourselves for achieving our goals, we subtly teach our brains that our work doesn’t matter. In other words, by failing to reward our progress we learn that progress doesn’t matter.
Our brain says, “What’s the point?” and gives up.
If you’re struggling with the question “What do I do when I’m feeling stuck?” create clear, simple, and compelling goals.
2.) Be a Part of a Community
It’s hard to go it alone. Whether you’re an entrepreneur growing a business, a spouse improving a marriage, or a coach in athletics, you can’t do the journey of life alone.
A community provides support, encouragement, perspective, and wisdom. It gives us strength when we are weak and positivity in a world filled with the negative.
A community of like-minded voices gives us the endurance and accountability to press on when we feel like giving up.
If you’re struggling with the question “What do I do when I’m feeling stuck?” find others to walk the journey with you.
3.) Hire a Coach
A lot of coaching is accountability. More than the community, a good coach asks reflective questions, highlights understanding, deepens insight, and inspires action.
Great coaches help you see through your own bias, false beliefs, internal narratives, and weak spots. They equip you with the tools to overcome those rough edges. They leave you accountable to your action plan.
Just last week I was working with a client who didn’t complete all of his growth homework for the week. After talking about it, we discovered that it was an important goal, but not the most important.
Instead, before hiring another employee (his task he gave himself for the week) he needed to free up time in his calendar (his new task). With more free time, he would be able to get new business, get caught up on billing, and have space to mentor and onboard effectively. Completing these tasks would ultimately do much more than “hire an employee” and instead give him the capacity to build his business.
That’s a much more effective use of time!
Coaches can shorten the time it takes to learn tasks, complete projects, and accelerate to succes.
This week on the podcast, our mastermind is sitting down to talk about the essential habits, goals, and success mindset that all entrepreneurs and business owners need to have.
Welcome to this week’s Mastermind training! As a new entrepreneur or business owner, maybe you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. Life can seem overcomplicated. There are staffing needs, finances, marketing, taxes, sales, family, COVID protocols, and a whole host of other things that need to be looked after.
How can you make it through and not just survive, but thrive?
You need to make sure you have the right habits, goals, and a success mindset in place.
Developing the Skillset
In this episode, Scott Thor, Juanita Webb, and Justin Hiebert sit down and talk about the essentials skills of a business owner.
You’ll discover what you need to know about:
Successful Morning Routines
Getting good work done, even when you don’t feel like it.
How to overcome obstacles and hurdles
Ways to increase your productivity while staying sane.
Our best tips to a growing and thriving business
These are skills that we’ve used, utilized, and developed over our years in business. If you feel like shortening your learning curve by decades, be sure to give this podcast a listen.
About Justin
If you’re new to the podcast, welcome!
My name is Justin, and I’m an Elite-Mindset and success coach. Throughout my career, I’ve been a pastor, educator, and serial entrepreneur. I help entrepreneurs, business owners, and world-changers attain elite mental performance through burnout prevention, habits, and compounding daily wins.
About the Mastermind
The Bakersfield Mastermind is a collaboration between Dr.’s Scott Thor and Juanita Web.
I was reminded recently, how in any attempted area of growth, confidence is key.
First, a confession. I’m a huge Gordon Ramsey fan. His ability to instruct, teach, inspire, lead is inspiring. I’ve also laughed at more than a few of his insults. He also knows when to relax, laugh, and have a good time.
Recently, I was watching an episode of his popular show Hell’s Kitchen and set one chef home after a critical failure.
Her crime? She lost confidence in her own ability.
As the episode ends, you hear Gordon’s voice as the picture shows her leaving the competition.
“If she’s lost confidence in herself, I can’t have confidence in her as my next executive chef.”
It is a dear reminder that in any area of life and growth, confidence is key.
Displaying Confidence
Let me be clear: confidence is not brashness, arrogance, smugness, or cockiness.
Confidence is not abusive or manipulative.
No, confidence is assurance.
It’s an assurance in the mission and service you’re providing to the world.
Confident people are able to say, “I’ve made it through every previous trial, I can make it through this one as well.”
Confidence is not about putting others down, it’s a clear picture of who you are.
Confident people have an accurate self-perception. They know who they are, why they were created, and the mission they are to be about while on this earth.
Confidence is key.
I often tell people at the start of a coaching relationship, “I can do anything for you except make you want to change. You have to want to change and be willing to put in the work required to do so. Once you acknowledge and commit to that, I’ll give you every tool I have to help you succeed.”
Why do some people make that commitment (and experience the reward) and others don’t?
Confidence.
Confidence is key.
The Confidence Quickstart
Life can be hard. As a result, there may be moments where you find yourself doubting. Wondering. Fearful.
Those moments are not a reason to withdraw or shrink back. Instead, they are moments to rise to the occasion, challenge yourself, accomplish something great, and demonstrate your ability.
If you ever find yourself in need of a confidence boost, here are three proven methods to help you get back on track.
Gratitude Journal.
First, start by keeping a gratitude journal. Write down as many things as you can to be thankful for.
A number of years ago, I challenged myself to write down 1,000 things I was grateful for. Once I got past the big and obvious ones (spouse, kids, parents, a house, a job) I really had to begin to focus my attention on every moment of every day.
Could I find moments of joy or positive experiences, even in the midst of difficult circumstances?
Of course, I just had to give it intentional thought.
Eventually, I had an impressive list (even if I never did make my 1,000 goal) and it completely reframed the way I go throughout my day.
Want to feel more confident? Start by acknowledging and welcoming all the good you already have in your life.
A list of previous accomplishments.
Next, keep a list of all of the previous things you accomplished.
Again, you’ll start with the big obvious ones (that’s great!).
The raise you earned.
That karate trophy from the third grade.
Voted most photogenic in high school.
Eventually, you’ll move on to the harder, but not less significant experiences.
The first successful sales call.
That time you worked up the nerve to ask that special someone.
Conquering the fear of public speaking.
Pretty soon, you’ll have an impressive list not only of everything you have to be thankful for, but all the previous times you’ve thought something was impossible, and yet you did it anyway.
Positive Affirmations
Finally, look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself some encouragement.
Far too often, we do just the opposite.
We mess up or make a mistake and say something like, “Of course I did that. I’m a klutz.”
Or, “What an idiot.”
Instead of that how about we say, “Boy, had I given it two more seconds of thought maybe I wouldn’t have made that same choice, but I’m glad I had this learning experience.”
Then, encourage yourself:
Look at this list of everything you have to be thankful for and all you’ve accomplished.
You’re very talented!
I can’t believe all that you’ve overcome.
You are very resilient.
You’ve got this!
As you stare at yourself, providing those affirmations, you’ll notice a shift in your thinking, your emotions, and your behavior.
You’ll notice that confidence returning. Building. Sustaining you throughout the day.
Once you’ve acknowledged all you have to be grateful for, written down your accomplishments, and affirmed your intellect and skills, only one thing is left.
Go out and do great things.
You’re more than capable.
I’m sure of it.
I’m confident of it.
And confidence is key.
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