The Story We Tell Ourselves

Posted on November 10, 2021 by admin

The story we tell ourselves, our internal narrative about the way we are, determines the trajectory of our story.

Understanding the Programming

Early on in life, we all start to acquire an internal narrative, programming, about the way we are. This identity-shaping story becomes one of the largest determining factors in who we end up becoming. From an early age, we all start to experience those labels.

We’ve all been called things like:

worthless

good for nothing

late

nerdy

oddly small

too short

freakishly tall

too big

ugly.

The words may start off as meaningless but slowly, after hearing them enough, they become an accepted part of our worldview.

We all know the person who heard, “You’ll never amount to anything” growing up. Pretty soon, they would be saying, “I’ll never amount to anything.” In the blink of an eye, they had given up on their dreams, settled for less than they were worth, and didn’t amount to anything compared to their true potential.

It’s a heartbreaking reality for many of us.

The good news is that not only can that destructive cycle be broken, but what is true of negative stories is also true of positive ones.

Telling a Better Story

If we want to reach our dreams, we have to be willing to rewrite the story we tell ourselves.

The hard work of personal growth happens internally. Putting in the time, effort, and energy into filling our minds with good things.

It involves telling yourself:

I am competent

beautiful

loved

admirable

strong

hard-working

driven

successful

capable.

The story we tell ourselves influences the person we will ultimately become.

The Story We Tell Ourselves

I was working with a client recently on this idea and explained to him the three camps we can fall into.

1.) We have a negative story and believe it.

This is like the first example. The story we heard growing up is the story we believe. We are somehow not enough, unloved, unworthy, or pitiful.

In coaching, I see this story all the time. It’s one of the main reasons people don’t achieve the goals they start out with.

Why would a lazy, good-for-nothing, unlovable, unworthy, pitiful person try something as grandiose as starting their own business?

It probably wouldn’t work anyway.

In reality, they have everything they need and are totally capable of amazing success. The problem is not they have believed the lies.

2.) We have a positive story and believe it.

These are the fun ones. The easy ones. They already believe the right things. These people know that they are strong, competent, and capable. They are able to set goals and achieve them because they believe in their ability to accomplish hard tasks.

3.) We don’t know what to believe.

This is the place where my client found himself. The bad news was that he didn’t have a positive story about himself. However, the good news, was that he didn’t have a negative view of himself.

He was somewhere in the middle. Drifting in the open ocean with no paddle, he didn’t know which way to go. I asked him to come up with five adjectives to describe himself he knew to be true.

He couldn’t give me any.

It should be no surprise then, that goals have been hard for him. Without the confidence and clear direction of knowing what to believe, he has trouble setting and staying accountable to goals. Without knowing the truth about himself, he doesn’t know what direction to pursue.

The story we tell ourselves matters.

Get clear on what you believe, not just about the world, but about yourself.

Give yourself positive imagery to believe about yourself and put it into practice. How would you, the strong, competent, capable person you are solve this problem? Once you believe that, you’ll crush any goal in your path.

Accountability is important. Want help reaching your goals and changing the trajectory of your life? Try coaching!

Reach out to me to schedule a complimentary session today.

Building With Purpose Conference 2021

The Lion and The Mouse

Posted on January 25, 2021 by admin

In a telling story of our priorities, James Carville and Paul Begala share the story about the lion and the mouse.

As the story goes, the lion is more than capable of hunting the mouse. He possesses the required strength, agility, and intelligence. In fact, it requires very little effort on the part of the lion. The problem is that the energy received back from eating the mouse is not worth the lion’s effort.

This is why the lion hunts the zebra, antelope, and gazelle. Though it requires significantly more strength, agility, and cunning intelligence to do so, the energy the lion receives back is well worth the investment.

The story of the lion and the mouse reminds us to stay focused on chasing big goals.

The BIG Goals

One of the questions I ask myself every day is, “What can I do today that makes the biggest difference?”

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, that focuses my attention on the single biggest task that needs to be done.
Whenever I’m tired, this question reminds me that the best thing I can do might just be to take a nap or practice some extraself-care.
In those moments where I’m conflicted about how to invest my time, asking about difference-making forces me to look at my calendar. Typically what I find is that I’ve been too work-focused and not enough family focus.
When my anxiety creeps up, I can remind myself that doing one thing today to make progress on a goal of significance and meaning helps to lower it.

Then, I invest my energy into the needed area. That frees me up to then say, “What’s next.”

The story of the lion and the mouse reminds me to invest my energy in things that really make a difference. My focus and attention go to things that only I can do for myself and my business.

Business and Life in Balance

What about you? Have you asked those questions in your life?

As a business owner, do you work intently on areas that only you can invest in?

With your spouse and your kids, do you focus on being fully present and turning off your “work brain” or do you only give them the nutritional equivalent of a mouse?

As a leader or community member, do you invest in your projects with the same intensity and vigor you do in your sales and marketing?

One of the first things we do in coaching is to give your calendar a time analysis. We make sure that you spend your time hunting antelopes, not mice.

Far too often, what I see with leaders is that they spend time on the unimportant. The temptation is to become distracted by the urgent instead of the significant.

To counteract this, we work through a priority matrix to make sure you get the most return on your time, your energy, and your passion.

Right now, make sure you’re invested in the right areas. Ask yourself the above questions and spend time on the right priorities. Invest in areas that give you the greatest return on your investment. Ask questions. Quit bad habits. Keep growing. Seek help.

If you need anything, I’m here for you.

What’s Your Story?

Posted on October 5, 2020 by admin

Blog Post Cover with text overlay: "What Your Story?"

Over the weekend, my eight-year-old wrote a story. It centers on Kaid and Bob and their experience in a typhoon. Like any good story, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. There’s conflict, dialogue, character progression, a climax, and resolution. In ten pages, all handwritten and illustrated, he took the reader on a pretty spectacular journey.

He was so dedicated to it, he spent almost all day Sunday putting the finishing touches on it. After he read it to me, you could see the pride beaming from his face. He felt accomplished. He knew he had done something hard, and seen the positive results from it.

More than that, it was actually a really well-written story. He’s clearly got a good grasp of what makes a story compelling and has started the long process of mastering it ahead of him.

I’m extraordinarily proud of him.

It also reminded of something we often forget ourselves.

What’s Your Story?

You are in the midst of a story.

Right here.

Right now.

You are telling the world something about you.

2020 has been hard. Devastating for many. A huge setback at best and the fear of final failure at worse.

But your story isn’t over yet.

You get to author the end.

It can feel daunting. I get it.

I know you feel overwhelmed. Totally understandable.

I know you wonder about your business, your relationships, your family. That’s what great leaders do.

But I also know …. you got this.

Reframing The Possibilities

Recently, I had several conversations with individuals exploring coaching before the end of the year.

One, a young twenty-something female was worried about her kids. The other, a late-career professional staring at the end of his working career both began the same way: “Justin, 2020 really messed me up.”

One had their whole career in front of them. The other only had a few years left before retirement. Both were worried that 2020 proved to be the end.

It’s helpful in these moments to remember that you own the rights to your story. You are the star. In the main drama that unfolds over your life, you are the lead actor, executive producer, and director. You have an incredible amount of power to dictate where your life goes.

I hope you find that liberating. Far from being over, your story is only just beginning. 2020 is not the end, it is a new beginning.

In my son’s story, the friends were displaced from their homes by a natural disaster. By the end of the book, they were off trying to find a new place to live.

Your story may be similar. Your life, your business, your family, your income, your routine has been displaced. You are working from home where you balance kids, a spouse, work, Zoom, a distanced social life, walking the dog, chores, and some quality downtime.

That’s why I firmly believe that now is the best time for you to seize this opportunity and do something great.

Do Something Great

So what’s your story going to be?

There are 13 weeks left in 2020.

87 days.

2,100 hours.

126,209 minutes.

7,572,500 seconds.

Each one of those is precious.

Embedded within each is the chance to reclaim your life. You now have the opportunity to seize this moment, do something great, and transform your life.

Your day is over.

This month has just begun.

Your story hasn’t ended.

The plot may have shifted, but greatness is still in front of you.

Rise up, warrior, and seize this day. Reclaim your story. Rewrite your legacy.

Do something great.

To celebrate the release of my new book, I’m giving away copies for a limited time. To receive your free copy, plus my free 5 day course on productivity, click this link.

Discovering Your Origin Story

Posted on July 19, 2019 by admin

The Backstory

As a boy growing up on the plains of windswept Kansas, I led a relatively normal life. My mom spent time as a librarian, teacher, and business owner. My dad worked on the land. My older brother and I spent hundreds of hours outside battling bad guys from all sorts of foreign planets, inventing makeshift toys, and practicing the latest wrestling moves we learned from Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage.

As normal as my childhood seemed, if you knew me, I hardly doubt that “normal” would be a word you would use to describe me. Instead, I’m imaginative, passionate, and perhaps a bit creative. Driven. Focused. Intense. Loud. Thoughtful. Complicated if not a bit too simple.

That’s the tension we all live in right? We bumble and stumble through this world looking to find our place in it.

We ask questions like: Why was I made? What’s my purpose? Why am I here?

Each of these questions and the yearning desires that go along with them can point us to our calling, or in pop culture terms: our origin story.

Discovering Your Origin Story

Discovering your origin story is the quest of all great superheroes (of which I would consider you one. Look at all the amazing things you can do!).

Think of Spider-Man. An awkward, geeky teen suffering from personal angst (something we can all relate to) gets bitten by a radioactive spider.

Or Thor. Passionate and committed, he must also prove himself worthy to his father, to be king, and to wield the mighty hammer Mjolnir.

In May of 2008, your life changed dramatically, even if you didn’t know it at the time. That’s when the first Iron Man movie released and introduced to a wider audience both the Marvel universe and the idea of the origin story.

Discovering your origin story doesn’t have to be nearly as dramatic as any of those superheroes though. Instead, it can be done by intentionally investing time in yourself. Discover your unique story, perspective, and outlook on life. What makes you tick? What do you find important? How do you want to better the world?

In fact, in the upcoming release of my new E-Course “Discovering Your Origin Story,” we look at the three questions you must ask to discovery your calling:

What makes me feel totally and completely alive?
Who am I called to serve?
What does success look like to me?

While much more could certainly be said, this is the foundation for all work in discovering your origin story. Passions, hobbies, skills, are all important and all play a role, but it is these foundational questions that must first be answered.

Living Worthy of the Calling

All superheroes, even our modern-day ones, must choose to live worthy of their calling. One ancient writer, a man named Paul, wrote to a group of early Christians and said the same thing. He urged them to, “Live worthy of the calling they have received.”

My sincere desire and prayer for you is that you would do the same. Your life, gifts, passions, and unique quirks are far too valuable to waste, lose, or go unused.

May you live worthy of your calling.

May you discovery your origin story.

May you impact the world.

And may you be filled with joy as you do so.

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